Dear Pilsner…

Dear pilsner,how are u?apart 4rm the terible hangova i got since the last tym we left,id say im quite fine.my aim of writing is to tel u how much i love u.my love 4 u surpases dat 4 women or worldly riches.my love 4 u is eternal..rivaled only by the maternal kind.my love 4 u is true..so bliv me wen i tel u i luv none else bt u!i love ur figure..so desirable n inviting it leaves al men wanting.i love da sweat trickling dwn da arch of ur bak.i love da coolnes of ur touch dat sends a tremor down my gut.i love it wen u open ur lips 2 kis me..so wet..n seductive..i luv it wen u embrace me..ur soothing feeling fils my soul..oh the intensity..how u light me ablaze wen u rush dwn my insides leaving my every nerve awake in ur path.n most of al..i love ur xter.unlyk my mum..u neva quarel..unlyk my wifey..u neva deny my..unlyk my palz..ur eva thea 4 me..n best of al..wit u i cn get a 3some,4some or even 20some weneva i want!true u drain my walet sumtymz bt dats a smal price 2 pay 4 wat we hav.I LOVE YOU DEAR PILSNER.