JOURNAL OF A FACEBOOK ADDICT

Posted: January 26, 2010 in Published Works

‘Fred Kirui got married to Tusker. Honeymoon is tonight, she doesnt mind group sex so you can all come’. Trust Fred 2 av sch an outrageous st8us upd8! N trust me 2 add an equally ‘ingenious’ comment, ‘ Mrs. Pilsner n I will b more than happy 2 b ur best couple!’. Wat follows nxt s a heated deb8 btwin Fred, James, Katsy n I abwt who has da most ‘wives’ in their make beleive rshp. @ da end of it all, we agree d@ @ least we all share a common in-law in the form of EABL, much to the amusement of da chiqs who hav bin spect8n thro mst of the discusion.

My atention is drawn 2 a frend request iv jst receivd (2 my suprise) 4rm Lucy, my primary skul deskm8. As im goin thro ha profile, I notice hw mch she hs grown in2 a fwyn lady 4rm da dirty little gal i usd 2 knw back in primo. Most intrestin is her rshp st8us wich sez ‘Single’. My instincts instruct me 2 snd her a mesage wich I promptly do complimentin ha on ha sexy eyes n promise 2 mek a point of arangin a meetin btwin ha n I 1 of these fyn days so we cn ctch up. Of coz da ctchin up I hav in mind invloves mo dan jst chit chat bt I conveniently choose 2 leave owt da delic8 details.

Theaz a hip hop event @ da British Council dis wikend n I R.S.V.P a ‘Yes’ to confirm my attendance. Last tym I attended thea wa sum tyt artists n I hd a gr8 tym wit Smallz, Tony n Sam so I post a mesage on their respective Wall’s 2 remind dem of da upcomin event. Sam replies imed8ly n promises 2 bring along a digicam so we cn tek photos of all da wicked grafiti on display n post dem on Facebuk.

Tis Desboy’s Bday 2day n being da gud frend I am I post a message on hs wall sayin ‘Happy Bday u son of a commercial sex worker! If only ur dad ws thea 2 c u turn 21..2 bad u don knw wich 1 of ur mum’s 700 boyfrendz he is. Were havin a bash @ Mwenda’s 2 celebr8 ur bday, drinks on u!’. Sweet,huh? Iv bin waitin 2 get bak @ him 4 putin d@ coment on d@ photo of me n Jose. It sed ‘U lovebirds luk so cute 2getha..so whos da strika n whos da goalkeeper btwin u 2?’. Of coz I deleted it as soon as I saw it bt half of my 586 frenz on facebuk had alredy seen it so da damage ws done!

Top on my news feed is Gakuo’s new note wich I quickly read amidst rib krakin laughter. Its caled ‘Below Da Poverty Line’ n in it he opens up his heart to da ladies who always seem 2 bliv guys r money minting machines. Apparently he wants em 2 knw d@ college guys don hav jobs so naturally, theyre broke and @ tymz it gets worse! I must admit he has a point bt considerin my ‘baller’ image, i wont let myself be caught sayin i fall unda d@ category so I add a comment sayin ‘ speak 4 yo-broke-self bro!’

I check my homepage n find d@ Suzy has invited me 2 a group called ‘500 Things To Do When Your Bored In A Lecture’. Ths shld b intrestin! Soon as I join (as the 10,478th member), I chek owt da group wall n find sum rily krazy stuff. Lyk ‘Write a note 2 da chiq sittin infront of u n tel her theaz sum blood drippin 4rm unda ha chair..Lmao!’ Ill try d@ 1 day 4 sure! This kinda reminds of da otha group I joined da otha day, ‘1000 Things To Drive Ur Girlfriend Crayziieee!’. Speakin of wich, my galfrend jst logged on, which means I hav 2 go b4 I get dumpd. I quickly chnge my st8us upd8 2 ‘Boniface is thinkn abt his sweetheart..baby I miss u.’, then log out. C yal nxt tym ur online..:-)

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