Posted: October 25, 2010 in Me and My Crayziee World

Disclaimer: This post is rated “A” (for Adult). It contains highly offensive content, coarse language and sexual imagery. But then if you’ve been reading any of the other posts on this Blog you should know that by now!

Some time back I was hanging out with a bunch of rich kids. And when I say rich kids, I mean the stinking rich types. And when I say stinking rich, I mean more stinking than what’s between an old prostitute’s thighs.

I was visiting some pals in USIU. And believe me whoever said the world is a rotten place must have been talking about that little corner of the globe. I know what you’re thinking; I shouldn’t be pointing fingers at nobody. But believe me that was traumatizing even for me.

The first thing I noticed about the place was the girls. The second thing I noticed was more girls. The third thing I noticed was their asses. It’s like those chicks don’t shit!! For real. It’s like all their excrement just accumulates in their behinds over the years forming huge wobbly masses of fatty flesh! But then it could just have been my wild imagination. Point is, chicks in USIU have asses to shit for!

I was in the company of my male pals and we were visiting a chick friend of theirs. By what I had initially thought to be an AWE(……..wait for it…….)SOME coincidence but later learnt was premeditated design, some other chick friends of hers also happened to be visiting. At one point in an attempt to turn my charm on, I even pointed out that it was destiny that had driven four dudes and three chicks to visit the same lady on the same day. Smooth, huh?

Just when I was beginning to relish the possibility of completely spontaneous random sex with multiple partners who are total strangers, (for the record I’m still looking forward to it, Hint! Hint!) the unimaginable happens. Now, lest all you ladies start contemplating issuing me with lawsuits (which will be futile anyway because apart from my manhood I’m not worth much-especially if you factor in the wear and tear, Sic!) it was nothing of my doing.

So were sitting there lazily chatting about everything from King Mswati’s umpteenth wife to the different hue’s of menstrual flow (which I must point out was quite enlightening) when out of nowhere one of the girls pulls a penis out of her trouser! Imagine that! Wouldn’t this story be way more colourful if that would’ve actually played out like that?…Anyway, she pulls a roll of weed out of her trouser.

Now contrary to what you might be swayed to believe, I don’t smoke weed. Really, I don’t. Which is why I will delete any comment below that so much as attempts to suggest otherwise. In any case, assuming, hypothetically, that I did smoke weed, I would be greatly offended by what followed. Those girls did not just abuse weed, they molested it! They ripped its soul out and robbed it of all its respect! In fact, they insulted not just weed but all of its nuclear and extended family. If I was weed, I would report them to the anti-narcotics police for drug abuse.

I am not one to be easily influenced by peer pressure, so I merely watched the ‘weed orgy’ as it unfolded. Blunt after blunt after blunt…they smoked. They smoked like their tomorrow depended on it. Like their yesterday demanded it. And when they were done, they got more weed and smoked some more. Inevitably, after a while they were high as a kite in a tornado.

At this point, my prospects of breaking one of the ten divine commandments were looking up and my groin was naturally beginning to get excited in anticipation, if you know what I mean. As it unfolded, I was in for a rude shock.

Without warning, those little demons began groping and grabbing at each other in manners that reminded me of some dirty porn I watched back in high school. My instincts nudged me to provide some input in the activities and since I ain’t no coward, I offered. Their response was not just surprising. It was infuriating and equally frustrating.  “No, thanks. We’re good. We don’t do guys.”

Heck if they’d have told me that earlier I’d have carried some Vaseline and a set of unrated movies with me on my way to the damn place! And that, good people, was how my pals and I spent the longest night of our lives together. Needless to say, I’ve never been to USIU since!

  1. Nyanchwani says:

    He he he. I’m damn afraid of them women.some have even requested for much fro experimentation.

  2. sonie mungai says:

    tha hell….A rated does not prepare me for this try some other rating maybe! Awsome thou

  3. Ezinah nyanchwani says:

    i can imagine hw bad it was.

  4. graudia says:

    Nice piece…..’A’for adults indeed!!!

  5. Manyasa A says:

    ‘B’ for bummer!cnt begin 2 imagine hw ur nyt ws,troublin is an understatement,WAH!

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