Posted: October 26, 2010 in In Living Memory

I’ve been reflecting on my love life lately and I realized the reason I don’t have a girlfriend right now is because I’ve been going out with so many different types of girls/women/ladies that at some point I honestly lost focus of the type of woman I would actually like to date. Not that I think any of you would be able to help in that department but I figured I should let you in on the various types of women out there. At least from my point of view. And just so they don’t get offended should they stumble upon this, I’ve named them after their corresponding music celebrities.

NB: This lineup is in no particular order.
Alicia Keys
She was fragile, gentle and sensitive. Almost like a glass. She was the most submissive person I ever met. She was there whenever I needed and even when I didn’t. Within a month of our dating, she had introduced me to her sister, brother, her closest aunt and if I’m not wrong we were supposed to meet her parents a week before we broke up. Honestly, she scared me. To top it off, it was never my intention for us to date. We just met on a random occasion and one thing led to another so I figured why not? Next thing I know were meeting the parents?! Either she was desperate or deranged because given the circumstances of our relationship, I wasn’t exactly the type to introduce to the folks.
She was drop dead gorgeous. I had to keep her hidden from my friends for a good while just to make sure I didn’t get sliced. That, by the way does not by any means imply that I was insecure. It only means I was trying to keep her extra safe. She was freaky too. I still shiver when I think of the naughty things we used to do. She was sensitive, caring and an absolute darling when she wanted and a raging tigress when the situation demanded. The trouble with this girl was…where do I start? She was an insecure, spoilt little bi*tch. Well, I did cheat on her once or twice but trust me, any man that doesn’t cheat on his girlfriend with another woman is probably doing it with another man. And in any case, if she wasn’t so nosy she probably would never have found out and who knows, maybe we would still be together today. She also couldn’t cook, clean or even make the bed. I could probably live with that but it was her constant nagging and incessant demands that drove me mad! The worst part is that she was the closest I ever came to real love. In another world, we would probably get back together but given the nature of our breakup, it’s safe to say that’s over and done with. Though I deeply regret having hurt her.
Nicki Minaj
We dated for about a month then realized that wasn’t getting anywhere so we decided to review the terms and conditions of our contract. So far its working out pretty fine for me except every now and then we have some disputes about one clause or another but the good thing is that there’s always an amendment we can make to put things right before were back in business. She’s a freaky little thing and is the definition of ‘gettin down and dirty’. She’s one of the best girl-friends I ever had. She doesn’t ask too many questions, does what she’s supposed to do when she’s supposed to do it and is there when you need her and gone when you don’t. We have a unique type of relationship with her. It’s a mutual kind of thing where we both gain not just physically but also emotionally and mentally. And she’s not my clande if that’s what you’re starting to think.
Mary J. Blige
She was beautiful, principled, focused and organized. Everything about her was almost robotic. From how she walked, to how she talked and even when she…you know. She had a maturity about her that stirred a lot within me. To a large extent, she helped shape much of the man I am today. I still wonder how we ever got along because back when we were dating, I was a rolling stone and she was…what’s the opposite expression for a rolling stone? Anyway you get the point. Were still good friends by the way. She’s one of the few people I can open up to without fear of being judged. I think we were destined to be friends as opposed to lovers. The one thing I hated about her (still do) was her domineering nature. I’m a hardhead as it is without a woman breathing on my neck which will only serve to arouse the rebel in me. I’m pretty sure she always has the best of intentions but I guess it’s a matter of ideological (in)difference.
Indi Arie
The only reason I’ve named her after India Arie is because India is my favourite female artiste and this lady was undoubtedly the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Also because whenever I listen to India Arie (which is a lot of the time), I remember her. I don’t like feel sorry for myself about her or anything but I like to think of her as my ‘one that got away’. She was perfect (for me). Gorgeous, real, focused, caring, sweet, smart and fun. We met in unanticipated circumstances though I had known her for quite a while but had never made any formal effort to approach her. It turned out she had it in for me too (sigh!). One thing led to another and before I knew it we were officially dating which would have been perfect by me if only I wasn’t already dating someone else at the time. I know, I’m a screw up! So in the end, my conscience (yes, I have one) wouldn’t let me cheat on her (notice, I wasn’t worried about cheating on my original girlfriend, it was her I didn’t want to hurt) and I had to let her go…just like that. We never even broke up…I just stopped calling and avoided her and eventually she just got the idea. I still feel like tearing my balls apart whenever I think of it. I’ve done ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of stupid stuff in my life but this will go down as my all time classic. The funny thing is that even when we bump into each other, I hardly know what to say because of the guilt and torment of what transpired between us. Sadly though, she’s changed a lot from the girl I used to know that I’m not sure we would even get along like we did during our brief stint together. But I guess life’s like that!

  1. Empress says:

    Just described me thea..India Irie for sure 😉

  2. bonybambino says:

    we’ll never know for sure now, will we?

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